Blonde Faith: How to lose weight without really trying

I’ve lost about 25 pounds in the last three months. Don’t get too excited. I don’t have tips or an inspiring story.

I’m not healthy or in shape; I’m just not as fat.

How did I do it? I broke up with food. I’m not in love anymore. We’re just friends now.

I didn’t consciously make this decision. There wasn’t a revelation, a self-help book or an Oprah lecture that caused this to happen. I just got busy with other interests that didn’t involve baking, trying new restaurants or loading up on clearance groceries.

My oldest son started Kindergarten, and my youngest son went to preschool. After spending years in my pajamas clipping coupons, I decided to explore what life could be like post-diapers.

I signed on for almost every freelancing gig that came my way, even when it paid little to nothing. In the last six months, I’ve written comedy script, broadcast games, newspaper articles, entertainment media kits, press releases, web content, blogs, marketing collateral and advertising slogans. I’ve even started writing a Bible Study for moms.

Yeah, I don’t sleep much either.

I’ve made an effort to meet different people outside my normal crowd -- like traveling musicians, comedians, hipsters and professionals. I’ve also been mentoring teenage girls every week at church. Talking about topics other than things like stain removal and naptimes has been refreshing.

Basically, I left the mommy cave from 8 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. three days a week, and I hit downtown Knoxville about one night a week.

I created a new world where I wasn’t perpetually snacking or finishing sandwiches off little plates.

Without making a big deal about it, I found myself digging old pants out of boxes in smaller sizes. That has been cool, but it did sting a little when I had to go down a bra size.

I was resolved to being overweight and considered it worthwhile “baby weight.” However, several months ago, I realized that if I were to get pregnant again, I would have to lose weight to fit into my maternity clothes. Ouch.

I didn’t set weight loss goals because I would rather be fat than be a failure. I’m too flaky to stick to a plan. I’m bad with numbers, so counting points, calories or reps is near impossible. I’m also a master of excuses.

Nowadays, dieting isn’t enough. It is all about “changing your lifestyle.” Meanwhile, everything else in my life stays the same: a budget too small for Greek yogurt with organic granola; a family who will never be ok brown bread; and a propensity for shin splints.

I’ve lost weight because I simply stopped eating a high volume. I live by the “eat only when you’re hungry” philosophy.

Don’t misread that as a tip. It isn’t always healthy. I’ve learned the hard way that a woman cannot live on Diet Coke alone. For instance, shopping at Kroger on Senior Citizen Discount Day after not eating breakfast or lunch can lead to homicidal thoughts.

I might continue to lose weight, but I’m keeping my old pants and bras just in case. Last month when the city announced that they might close my son’s elementary school, I almost resorted to chocolate therapy. Instead, I made a flyer.

This year, rather than focus on a weight-loss goal, I’m thinking about running for school board in the next election. If so, my campaign slogan will be: “A voice for teachers, a heart for kids and a butt for everybody else to kiss.”

If I do, I’m going to want a big butt in 2012.

Sarah Herron is a 30-something blonde navigating marriage, motherhood and morals in Maryville. To contact Sarah, visit her website: Blonde Faith, is published on the first Thursday of every month in Blount Today.

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