Sally Joines responded to a Facebook post from Blount Moms: What is the worst question you’ve been asked as a mom? She responded: “Someone asked me if my (boy and girl) twins were identical. Umm, No. One has boy parts, one has girls.” She also says a stranger said to her, in front of her children, “Wow, three kids. That’s a lot. Did you really want to keep that many?” She replied, “They aren’t a litter of kittens that need to be given away.” Pictured above are Sally, 9-year-old Katie Beth and 5-year-old twins Jack and Allyson on Christmas night this past year.
It seems as though people - strangers and acquaintances alike - have felt entitled to ask personal questions since I became a mom.
Church, Kroger on Senior Citizen Discount Days and Mom’s Group gatherings have been, in my experience, the most fertile grounds for these kinds of inquisitions.
Like a true Southern lady, I typically respond politely and just smile; then bad mouth the inquisitor behind their back and discuss what I should have said to anyone who will listen. There are always two sides to every story: “What I said” and “What I should have said.”
The following are actual questions that I have been asked by actual people:
Are you pregnant?
What I said: No. (pause for apology). Oh, its okay.
What I should have said: No, but apparently you are due for a butt-kickin.’
Are you going to have a third child?
What I said: No, we’re just enjoying the two we have.
What I should have said: No, I can’t even house-train the two I have.
Did you breastfeed?
What I said: I did.
What I should have said: Only out of peer pressure.
What do you and your husband use for birth control?
What I said: We took care of that for good a few years ago.
What I should have said: The best procedures modern medicine offers and reliance on God’s mercy.
Is this your first husband?
What I said: Yes, we’ve been married for ten years.
What I should have said: I’m just as surprised as you are that he’s been able to put up with me this long.
How’s life in the bedroom?
What I said: So, anyways, how’s the weather?
What I should have said: I’m not smiling because it’s sunny.
Do you cook?
What I said: Yes.
What I should have said: Only well enough to keep us alive.
How old are you?
What I said: 34
What I should have said: Older than you need to say I look.
Do you take an anti-depressant?
What I said: No.
What I should have said: I do my part to keep the local medical community thriving.
Do you work outside the home?
What I said: I work part-time.
What I should have said: Every mom is a working mom - in, out and around the house. We’re either working or asleep.
What do you do in all your spare time?
What I said: Mostly read and surf the internet.
What I should have said: I don’t have spare time per say, but I do ignore obligations so I can make time for cyber-stalking my “friends” on Facebook.
What did you all pay in taxes this year?
What I said: I don’t remember exactly.
What I should have said: Enough to make me love Republicans.
How much did you pay for your house?
What I said: I don’t remember exactly.
What I should have said: Enough to make it none of your business unless you want to make an offer, and you fully understand the phrase, “as is.”
Do you go to church?
What I said: We do.
What I should have said: Only when there’s childcare available.
Are you a Christian?
What I said: Yes.
What I should have said: Sorry it wasn’t obvious.
Scripps Interactive Newspapers Group
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