Blonde Faith: There are two sides to every imposing question

Sally Joines responded to a Facebook post from Blount Moms: What is the worst question you’ve been asked as a mom? She responded: “Someone asked me if my (boy and girl) twins were identical. Umm, No. One has boy parts, one has girls.” She also says a stranger said to her, in front of her children, “Wow, three kids. That’s a lot. Did you really want to keep that many?” She replied, “They aren’t a litter of kittens that need to be given away.” Pictured above are Sally, 9-year-old Katie Beth and 5-year-old twins Jack and Allyson on Christmas night this past year.

Sally Joines responded to a Facebook post from Blount Moms: What is the worst question you’ve been asked as a mom? She responded: “Someone asked me if my (boy and girl) twins were identical. Umm, No. One has boy parts, one has girls.” She also says a stranger said to her, in front of her children, “Wow, three kids. That’s a lot. Did you really want to keep that many?” She replied, “They aren’t a litter of kittens that need to be given away.” Pictured above are Sally, 9-year-old Katie Beth and 5-year-old twins Jack and Allyson on Christmas night this past year.

It seems as though people - strangers and acquaintances alike - have felt entitled to ask personal questions since I became a mom.

Church, Kroger on Senior Citizen Discount Days and Mom’s Group gatherings have been, in my experience, the most fertile grounds for these kinds of inquisitions.

Like a true Southern lady, I typically respond politely and just smile; then bad mouth the inquisitor behind their back and discuss what I should have said to anyone who will listen. There are always two sides to every story: “What I said” and “What I should have said.”

The following are actual questions that I have been asked by actual people:

Are you pregnant?

What I said: No. (pause for apology). Oh, its okay.

What I should have said: No, but apparently you are due for a butt-kickin.’

Are you going to have a third child?

What I said: No, we’re just enjoying the two we have.

What I should have said: No, I can’t even house-train the two I have.

Did you breastfeed?

What I said: I did.

What I should have said: Only out of peer pressure.

What do you and your husband use for birth control?

What I said: We took care of that for good a few years ago.

What I should have said: The best procedures modern medicine offers and reliance on God’s mercy.

Is this your first husband?

What I said: Yes, we’ve been married for ten years.

What I should have said: I’m just as surprised as you are that he’s been able to put up with me this long.

How’s life in the bedroom?

What I said: So, anyways, how’s the weather?

What I should have said: I’m not smiling because it’s sunny.

Do you cook?

What I said: Yes.

What I should have said: Only well enough to keep us alive.

How old are you?

What I said: 34

What I should have said: Older than you need to say I look.

Do you take an anti-depressant?

What I said: No.

What I should have said: I do my part to keep the local medical community thriving.

Do you work outside the home?

What I said: I work part-time.

What I should have said: Every mom is a working mom - in, out and around the house. We’re either working or asleep.

What do you do in all your spare time?

What I said: Mostly read and surf the internet.

What I should have said: I don’t have spare time per say, but I do ignore obligations so I can make time for cyber-stalking my “friends” on Facebook.

What did you all pay in taxes this year?

What I said: I don’t remember exactly.

What I should have said: Enough to make me love Republicans.

How much did you pay for your house?

What I said: I don’t remember exactly.

What I should have said: Enough to make it none of your business unless you want to make an offer, and you fully understand the phrase, “as is.”

Do you go to church?

What I said: We do.

What I should have said: Only when there’s childcare available.

Are you a Christian?

What I said: Yes.

What I should have said: Sorry it wasn’t obvious.

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