Ebenezer Scrooge is in the Chat Room

Ebenezer Scrooge

Ebenezer Scrooge

Age: None of your business

Occupation: Money lender

Family: “Bah, humbug.”

The recent economy has caused folks to become more conservative in their spending but nobody seems to have changed as much as Ebenezer Scrooge of “A Christmas Carol” fame.

This Christmas finds Ebenezer Scrooge back to his miserly, grumpy ways. He repossessed Bob Cratchit’s house and cut his pay, and that was when he was in a good mood.

He did agree to a Chat Room interview…but we had to compensate him for the time it took him to answer the questions.

Here is Ebenezer Scrooge, back to his old ways:

Who are you most like, your mother or your father and why?

“What sentimental nonsense! I am my own man.”

What is your favorite quote from television or movie?

“Show me the money,” Cuba Gooding Jr., “Jerry Maguire.”

How do you like your steak cooked?

“Rare, and I prefer reindeer meat.”

What are you guilty of?

“Define guilt. I have no conscience therefore I have I no guilt.”

What is your favorite material possession?

“My Mercedes. I repossessed it when a little old lady missed her last payment.”

What are you reading currently?

“Think and Grow Rich” by Napolean Hill.

Who has been the most influential person in the 20th Century?

“Donald Trump.”

If you only had a week to live, what would you do and why?

“Collect all outstanding debt and find a way to take my money with me.”

What is one word others often use to describe you and why?

“Prosperous. I am the poster child for Fortune 500.”

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

“I’m too nice.”

What is your passion?

“I have many passions. All of them are green and fold well. Instead of criticizing me, you would think people would appreciate someone who loves his work.”

What is your dream job?

“I want to be the top man at the IRS. But the government can’t have the money. I want to keep it. I will certainly manage it better than they do. Perhaps I could negotiate a loan for running the government?”

With whom, living or dead, would you most like to have a long lunch?

“Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth from ‘The Apprentice.’ We have a lot in common, and I could teach her a lot.”

If a movie were made about your life, who would play you and why?

“Hugh Grant. I need somebody who has that ‘man about town’ persona.”

If you could go back in time for a week, what time period or year would you visit?

“To 1929, the day before the market crashed so I could buy and sell. I could get a lot of business done on that day.”

What is the best present you ever received in a box?

“I’ve never received a present, but I’ve always wanted a Coinstar machine.”

What is the best advice your father ever gave you?

“Keep your eye on the bottom line. Love and women do nothing to improve the bottom line. Just ask Tiger Woods.”

In the workplace, would you rather be powerful or popular?

“Are you really asking me that question?”

Who is your hero?

“Bernie Madoff, the Ponzi scheme guy. The man had a plan.”

Do you Myspace, Facebook or Twitter?

“I like Twitter…because you have followers, not friends.”

Are you a cat person or a dog person?

“I prefer Siamese cats - dogs are too needy. I have a Siamese named Lucifer.”

What’s the worst job you have ever had?

“I once got roped into being a bell ringer at Christmas. I didn’t understand I couldn’t keep the money.”

What is your biggest regret?

“That I didn’t copyright the phrase ‘Bah Humbug’ before I ever uttered it.”

What is the song that best describes you?

“’Money in the Bank’ by 50 Cent or ‘Money,’ by Pink Floyd.”

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Comments » 1

Floydthebarber writes:

Ebenezer looks a lot like that Lance Coleman after a night on the town. hes got more girls than Tiger hum... Sherry must make him wear make up in public to be presentable for the paper